Thank you all for your the kind emails and enthusiastic replies. Here is the story with its best ending:
It was a few months after her sudden, unexpected resignation. The part of her that seemed and sounded mad to others quietly shouted at her million times:
“Fuck that! Fuck that fucking vicious circle! Fuck it and get out of it!”
It was too late; she had accepted the job interview.
“THIS IS THE END OF THE ROAD, YOUR TRUE MISSION HAS BEGUN” whispered her wisest part which she did not recognize.
Did she not hear it? Or did she not listen to it? That was not very clear to her. She no longer knew what was what, who was who, what was right, what was left or wrong. She was in the middle of her inner chaos…that was what she had thought and asked in the middle of her inner war:
She looked around expecting to be heard or maybe sceptical about being heard. She was not sure but walls had no words.
“Again?” replied a cruel voice, she heard, and reminded her:
“You were in the best corporation, you saw what was happening there, how rotten the structure was, how unreal people were, how they had to sacrifice their souls for their stomachs and statuses and how much more rotten they had to become every day in order to remain there…”
“Enouuuugh! That is enough!” she shouted in the middle of her soulless house. There seemed to be no one to hear her but why did she look around? Was it the soul of her landlord who was now lying under the ground? She did not know, but she painfully felt pushed towards her wardrobe. She walked there, opened its door; looked into the mirror. No she was unable to look into her own eyes, no, not anymore. But how long was that going to go on? She did not know…
She looked at the clothes hanging in the wardrobe. Each one of them shouted at her and became a picture in her mind; picture of this and that day with this and that person for this and that reason ending with success and failures. That was all okay, but…but the feelings they awoke in her heart…oh even the sweetest picture stirred and needled the darkest part of her heart…She began singing, no she did not know why she did that either, but the song she chose said it all…
She touched her skirt and got a little bit scared.
“Yes but what if?” asked a voice of her paranoid self. Yes that was the voice of her past; she wanted to mute it but she could not.
“Fuck him! If he gets erected just because of my skirt, he should go to a shrink or cut off his dick!” the rebel in her shouted loud. She picked her skirt; she was going to wear it despite all the worst case scenes in her mind.
She put her skirt on under the gazes of countless male eyes each of which was a little fountain of testosterone. She no longer knew what to do with her femininity;it was a sharp knife now. She stabbed and she was stabbed by it many times.
“Mother fucker!” she uttered quietly, revenge arose in her soul.
She remembered the day when the CEO of the company had no word to refute her words but a dirty sexual look to put her down in a meeting. He knew he could get all the women under his management but not her hence there was always a baseless tension between him and her. She did not like the fact that she worked for a company that was managed by bunch of men whose world was as small as her vagina; her soul has been thirsty for something above and beyond that all. But she was not yet clear enough to know nor was she very sure. Maybe that was the reason why she had felt lost and alone most of the time.
“I can tell very well now, I can read their minds from miles away.” she said to herself and smiled painfully. She knew what smile had cost her; walking through dark minds of men while searching for her own self. No there was not any, there was a template of her self which she had to destroy.
“I am ready.” said she while wearing red lipstick. Yes, it was blood red lipstick; she did not care.
“I am not responsible for anyone’s feelings.” shouted she and sprayed her exotic perfume all over her neck and chest.
She locked the door and left home. Something called her back behind the door. She had a feeling of lacking something which she thought that she must have forgotten to take with her. She looked back and thought.
“No, I have taken everything.” she said to herself and walked down the stairs.
She hated the feeling she had every time she walked on the street. She felt all the gazes again. This time it was only men but women stared at her, too.
“How could one be free from those judgemental looks?” she asked herself as she walked on her high hills.
They look and judge when you are not beautiful, they look and attack when you are beautiful, she thought to herself and felt the pain of her feet which were constantly making effort to balance her.
“This is it!” she said to herself. “I am never going to wear hills again! I am going to break them all after this interview!” she promised herself with insufferable pain and anger. She now knew the reasons behind the force that made her feel obliged to wear hills every time she stood in front of the mirror. And she promised herself to break that force.
“Hello!” said the young girl with long black hair when she opened the door to her.
“Hi, am I late?” asked she with a warm smile while recognizing the first awkwardness of the office.
“What the hell is this soul stirring music for?” she asked with no word while looking around the factiously white and big room.
“No, you are not! Please take a seat.” replied the girl in an incredible obedient manner. She walked into the manager’s office submissively after asking her to rest in the waiting room.
“You are not supposed to be here, you are not supposed to be here, you are not supposed to be here, you are not supposed to be here, you are not supposed to be here, you are not supposed to be here, you are not supposed to be here, you are not supposed to be here, you are not supposed to be here…” whispered her inner voice but did not tell her where she was supposed to be.
She looked around with blank eyes, yes she knew she was not supposed to be there. Not even a millimetre part of the place awoke trust or humanly warmth in her.
“You can come in now!” said the girl with black hair and eyes when she appeared by the door after a few minutes.
She stood up and said:
She walked into the room and stopped. His eyes were already locked in her skirt. It was him and she returned. She left without a single word.