Write or Die
I slept 12 hours. I wanted to meditate but that would send me back to sleep. So I washed my face with cold water, I looked at the mirror. I hardly remembered where I left myself yesterday, who I was planning to become, what did I become when I last stared at the mirror but I heard the same command over and over again.
“I nodded and opened my curtains.
“Oh God! SUN! How beautiful, how sublime!” I exclaimed, standing in the balcony.
“WRITE!” exclaimed back sun. Write about me, write about my beauty!” said she.
I nodded once more and a big white bird sang in the sky and the little ones followed her chanting, craze of spring in the wings.
“Don’t forget to include us in your stories!” they begged.
I nodded once more and was about to walk back in. Three big mountains called me back.
“Hey, wait!” they yelled. I looked at them.
“We know how much you love us. It is not only you who look at us with grace and admiration in your eyes every morning , tell everyone how much we love them, tell them to look and see everything with love,” they said with no word.
I nodded again and was going to walk back in.
“Hey, you! Can I be the best looking homeless dog in your story?” asked a dog, standing by the big black gate with no one but a freedom with no boundary. Yes, humans’ love for animals was not yet commercialized in this land with lots of minarets.
“I love you doggy, you are the most aristocratic dog of the streets,” I said when the cat joined us and exclaimed while jumping from one roof to another.
“Miaw!” said she naturally of course but I knew what she meant.
“I know what you mean you, the freest bitch!” I said and smiled. And I finally walked in. Someone knocked on the door.
“I brought you tea and some pastries,” said my old womanizer neighbour. I knew what he meant, too, but I smiled. Though not so wide because he could easily twist my smile. He looked at me and expected me to invite him for breakfast. He was full of love but in trouble with his cock. I looked at him. He found it hard to control his cock and put his hand in his side pocket. And I knew what he did that for.
“I know what you mean, it is hard for men to have a pure love for women but I think yours is different…yours is some kind of disease…what did you do here on earth for all those years… how did you spend your life so carelessly…” I said in silence.
“WRITE!” commanded silence once again in his stare.
“Are you going to write today, too?” asked he, my hand on the red hot tea.
“Yes,” said I.
“I will go climbing today…you should join me one day…animals might inspire you, too,” suggested he, but I knew what he meant.
“Maybe,” I said and smiled but not so wide. That would drive his cock wild.
“Okay then,” said he and stepped back, still hoping to see me smiling like a child whom he could deceive with a candy.
“Enjoy your adventure with animals,” said I and I laughed but not so loud and not so apparent only inside. That would drive his cock wild.
I closed the door as he walked to his flat, already trying to console his crying cock.
“WRITE!” said the red hot tea and fresh pastries. I agreed without knowing what. I don’t think I was completely awake yet. I should have never slept that long. Maybe I should play some Arabic music; that might help, I thought to myself as I held the glass of tea by my upper lip.
“Oh no…what if he put something in it to make all his fantasies come true…no no I should no drink this,” I said to myself and poured it into the sink.
“Shame,” I said and smiled as I fed the birds with the fresh pastries in the balcony.
“Stop fooling around! Birds know how to hunt foods! Just WRITE!” whispered the trees; the dark green, light green, orangey green and yellowish green.
“You write to be immortal, don’t you?” asked the shadow of the lady, still standing in the balcony on my left.
“Fuck you woman! Why would I care whether I live in your fucking mind when I die or not…I am in an endless agony, which leaves me only when I write…it might kill me…I might die if I don’t write,” I said to her shadow.
“You write to get back to someone, don’t you?” said the old editor with big belly and little talent to write but insatiable appetite to criticize those who do, turning the possibly poisonous pastries into a TED stage. But none of the birds felt dizzy or fell on the ground yet. Maybe it was just me and my broken trust in my womanizer neighbor. Maybe they were really fresh pastries after all.
“Go fuck your big belly and your distorted mind, you idiot!” I shouted at the old editor and walked back in. I felt so good when I saw my next door whore in the opposite apartment as I closed the curtain. She tried to drive me insane but pathetically failed with her idiot fucker. She had to move to the other apartment where both of her next doors are policeman. Yes, she cannot fuck with them. Now she knows how to fuck quietly but sadly her coward fucker left her. She could have asked me how to fuck quietly before all that though.
“ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE or NOT?” asked dead authors in my shelf.
“Yes, I will but there is something in my head, it is like it is no longer my head …maybe first I should shout aimlessly…loud and with no aim just to pour out my never ending craze…or maybe stretch myself to the point where I could reach the mountains…or maybe I should have a shower with a very cold water until I scream…I don’t know my head does not feel like mine anymore…I know I am here to write…this is why I was sent to this earth no matter what any fucker thinks why I write…oh God! What shall I do to break this egg?”
I found it, I will play Arabic music and dance like a mad until I sweat …until I sweat like I used to when I was a cheap worker…no I am not trying to get back to anyone…but to myself… how did I blindly give away my power in those years…how did I ignore this divine voice when it was little…
Shaking belly is good, better than trying to understand nonsensical creatures around you…Try it but don’t try writing until you hear this constant command everywhere…