Writing is Joyfully Painful

Write…you should write about that girl…isn’t that such a touching scene…how could he do that to me…Oh God! That hurt…still hurts…fuck him…fuck that and everything…cry…cry until your heart stops aching because your head takes it over… close your curtain write about that too…sit there until your but feels like a stone…write how many killed…how many wounded…how many orphaned in your heart’s battlefield…rescue the good…punish the bad…show the truth…kill the devil…let the love win…let the justice prevail…let the one who had faith from the very beginning smile and walk away…yes it is dark…but who cares…what goes on outside should be corrected here inside…whatever went on, too…open the curtain for a while…see the Sun saying goodbye in colors…feel blessed…you are calm but not quite right…not completely…

Call someone…hear a human voice to heal your soul…o how beautiful…how miraculous they are…hear them swear…hear them smile…hear them cry…that is the life…that is how we know God…that is how we love…and close your eyes…let the stars whisper in your ears…let them come to your dreams…let them plant your next move in your heart…let them bring storms, snows into your life…let them make things fall apart…let them whisper you in the middle of the war that you are fine…you will always be fine…let the angels wake you up in the middle of the night…or before the dawn…be quiet and listen…they want to tell you something…something to mix with your ink…listen…and then you can go back to sleep again…

Wake up…feel guilty if you miss the sunrise…feel blessed if you don’t… say hi…hi our beautiful sun…I love you so much and leave her for a short while…close your curtain and write…yes you have lost your appetite ever since that scene got stuck in your mind…hurt your heart and made you cry…you did not even know why…why you cried…but when you sat at your desk and began to type…you realized…why you cried in the dark that night…laugh out loud in the middle of the fight…life is not that cruel…you should not be either to your readers…they love, they long for a small sweet surprise…smile at them between your lines…just like how God does to us in between day and night…

And the last chapter…you struggle…not because you don’t know what to write…but you don’t want say goodbye…you don’t want to leave your characters…you don’t want to leave your readers…you don’t sit at your desk for a day and another day…but you don’t enjoy anything when you are away…so you eventually come back…sit at your desk…and say goodbye…o how hard it is to put the last full stop of the last page…you look at the page; you are excited…upset…happy and sad…but you do put the last full stop…”are you sure you don’t want to put a comma,” asks your heart…you smile and feel amazed…you remember the last mad two months you spent at your desk…and you smile again…

A day goes by…you are in pain again…you are restless again…you miss your desk and new characters are already writing themselves up there at your desk…you stop walking by the beach unexpectedly and come back to them…That is how joyfully painful writing is…and writing is joyfully painful only if you are a true author…